Movie Review

The Cave

The Cave delivers exactly what it promises in the trailers: a loud, ugly, and derivative experience. It aims to appeal to horror and monster movie fans of course, but I don?t think it will even satisfy such folks. It comes as part of the end-of-the-summer dumping-session package in which movies aren?t predicted to do that well and end up doing even worse (especially nowadays). This movie is designed to be mindless and forgettable, and represents the gasping throes of a filmmaking industry in near-collapse; substandard flicks like this one will have to be dealt with because people have finally learned to stop seeing them. The market in some ways demands a much higher quality now, even for niche genre material like this; Cave is not on the level.

The plot is barely existent and barely worth summing up. In the 70?s, an unnamed and faceless team of Eastern European dudes discover an old church deep in a mountain range. They go in to the ominous and dusty building, only to fall through the floor into an underground chamber. Then we flash to the present when the church has been re-discovered by a scientist guy. He calls on a team of ?expert cave explorers? led by Cole Hauser, who are tasked with going down the church?s secret passage and checking out the newfound cave system that runs underneath. They get down there and find that there are not only rivers but also hideous and deadly monsters. They spend the rest of the movie getting killed by and/or running away from these creatures. That?s it, really. Okay, there?s some third act ?revelations? which come out of nowhere in a feeble effort to pretend that there?s a story. But there is none.

This movie just involves people moving around and waiting to get killed. We get no sense of the characters, their history, or why we should remember them ten seconds after they disappear from the screen. There?s no explanation of what the old church or cave system is at all: it?s just there, ready for the plot to use it up and spit it out. The last-act twist is not earned at all; it?s given about a minute of exposition, which comes amidst all the nothingness. This movie tries to get to the good parts without including the necessary parts. Monster movie clich?s alone are not enough to power an entire production; all good films of any genre tell a solid story. But I didn?t hate this movie with a real passion. I submit that it is definitely bad, but it is somewhat watch-able on that lowest of levels.

The thing has a primal terror that is evoked through the hideous mutants that devour the cast. I don?t care who you are, everyone is scared of being eaten by a razor-toothed monster, especially one that lurks in the dark corners of a foreboding environment. There is a real squeamish quality from these beasts, and those who don?t love this sorta thing may be quite uncomfortable. But it would also help if the tension and action were filmed properly instead of being the usual jumbled, up-close mess of imagery. Are there more than five directors out there who are even slightly competent? The death scenes are just a hazy mess of frenetic doo-doo, and that doesn?t cut the mustard. And what?s with the brain-exploding audio work? The score and sound effects have all the subtlety of an asteroid falling on your house. I shouldn?t have to feel like I?m undergoing a sense-assaulting mind-control/torture session while watching a movie. When theaters have something in common with Iraqi prisons, something just ain?t right. The world is a messed-up place, and The Cave might be the signature movie for troubled times.

Scott's Grade: C-

A	15.1%
B	59.2%
C	24.5%
D	1.2%
F	0.0%